Blog
May 3

Written by: Steve Stenersen
5/3/2010 9:48 PM 

I heard about Yeardley Love’s death on Monday morning.  My first reaction was to focus on the practical aspects of this senseless tragedy but, as additional details emerged over the last few days, my thoughts turned to the nature and cause of such brutal acts.  I spent some time on Tuesday night researching intimate partner violence, a longstanding societal issue that exists just below the surface of our culture, primarily as a result of the psychology and social stigma associated with abuse.

Yesterday morning, while daughter Audrey (12) and son Cole (10) were eating breakfast, I was overcome with emotion.  I kept my back turned to them while I made their lunches, but they knew what was happening and why…it was a quiet kitchen for a few minutes.  All I could think about was how similar their mornings must have been in their homes a dozen years ago…what unimaginable series of events could have led to this…and how it might have been prevented.  The depth of this tragedy is unfathomable for any parent except those involved, and I’m overwhelmed with anguish for them.  After all, their children were once 12- and 10-year-olds, too. 

According to the National Institute of Justice, intimate partner homicides represent up to 50% of all murders of women in the United States.  Many more sobering statistics can be found at the NIJ web site www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/topics/crime/intimate-partner-violence/welcome.htm, and additional resources can found at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s web site www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html

I firmly believe that the values of sport, particularly team sport, are overwhelmingly positive, but I’m also wise enough to know that no sport is immune from human tragedy.  That such an event took place on the grounds of one of the most respected universities in the country and involved two talented lacrosse players has put this crime in the national spotlight, but the real focus should be the fact that about 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.  Intimate partner violence is a human health crisis that is not limited to a particular demographic, although research indicates that it is more severe and occurs more often in economically disadvantaged communities.

We deeply mourn the loss of Yeardley Love and extend our thoughts and prayers to her family, friends and teammates.  Once the facts and circumstances of this case are confirmed, perhaps there will be a way US Lacrosse can perpetuate among the national lacrosse community far greater awareness and recognition of this growing health concern.  It’s already started in my house.

6 comment(s) so far...


Re: An Unfathomable Tragedy

Well put Steve. It's unfortunate that some will view this as a reflection on the culture of lacrosse, when it is in fact a much broader societal issue. Thank you for your leadership,

By John Henry on   5/7/2010 3:49 PM

Wake up!

As I awaited a leadership Statement from us lacrosse and its's representatives,perhaps the real truth of the matter is that statistical facts support one reality. The sport of lacrosse and it's players across the nation are overwhelmingly White and male with the economic status of the elite in this nation. This enables this group the ability to hide many in this category from prosecution and exposure because of a priviledged protection status they recieve just because they are white and rich. So for you to even include the skwed statistics that States in code " don't worry this only happens amoung the poor and economically disadvantage groups is in it's self a smack in the face to these communities. I question your ability to lead with truth and integrty. You seem to want to protect Lacrosse for the white elite instead of opening it's doors up to the diverse reality of our world and nation. How do I know this Mr. Stenerson? It's because I am white, my parents rich and many of my peers from the High School level to my recent collegiate career virtually get away with murder just because our families know you need our money to sustain your position and we trust your protectionist attitude to save lacrosse from being a truly diverse sport. I suggest as a leadership group you act immediately to finance a program to stop the rogue nature of the elite in this sport. I further suggest you demand that the NCAA in collaboration with US Lacrosse donate and request donations of the some 70,000 fans that will show up across the nation for the National championship game to give money to the Hard working groups across the nation that help to prevent and educate people on the senseless, preventable and tragic violent nature of intimate partner violence and domestic violence. Oh, awareness may have started in your house,but it's not in your other house, the house of US Lacrosse.

By adversarial on   5/9/2010 5:39 PM

Re: An Unfathomable Tragedy

It is important to educate all students about abuse and each individual's responsiblity to speak up and tell an adult if there are signs that a relationship is out of control. I remember a talk I heard several years ago about the beginning signs of potential abuse; how universal the steps before physical abuse starts are; and that abuse cuts across all socio-economic groups. The woman I heard speak left her waterfront estate with nothing to escape an abusive husband.

I ask US Lacrosse to be the first organization to challenge all high school and college teams to require each player to participate in a course in relationship abuse prior to the beginning of each season. The students need to learn that it is ok (and you might be saving two lives) to report potential or existing abuse. Get busy adults and help these kids.

By radcliffe on   5/19/2010 11:20 AM

Re: An Unfathomable Tragedy

Wake up!Whether you're a rich white kid (as you state you are) or a poor black kid makes no difference, your comments are that of an idiot. It would take entirely too long to address each of your ignorant remarks (such as rogue nature of the elite, protectionist attitude to save lacrosse from becoming diverse, etc.). Do yourself a favor, go blog somewhere that other race baiting, them vs us, poor vs rich jerks like to blog.

By Lax4 on   5/19/2010 11:21 AM

Re: An Unfathomable Tragedy

That was a nice piece of writing, for a not so nice situation. Regardless of race, gender, or class violence and abuse are the worst of all our human defects. I think in a time like this, it is important for everyone to reflect and show some humility in the face of this great tragedy. Pounding on a soapbox will not reverse events. My heart goes out to both families, as I try to be empathize with a situation that is nearly incomprehensible to imagine. Most of us are upset that this happened; but the fact of the matter is that everyone is ignorant until it happens to you. For us in the lacrosse world it has happened, and we all wish that it didn’t, nothing can change any of that. As for Wake ups, we should all consider doing something that we feel is appropriate, and in our own way. This is an issue for all of humanity to consider, not just lacrosse world. Change comes from within. Those of us into the lacrosse world will do our best to lead by example. Being a good coach, a mentor, and an overall contributing member of society in general, can make all the difference. Thoughts and prayers go out to Yeardley’s family and friends during this difficult time.

By LionCoach on   6/3/2010 11:11 AM

Re: An Unfathomable Tragedy

This a issue which crosses all race and social status. Priviledge does tend to lend a hand to the absense of consequences for the children of the elite,BUT this is really about power and control in a relationship.
Unfortunately... the abuser comes unglued even more when the victim tries to get away.. and this is when women die. Thousands of them every year. Many go unsolved. Were these kids about to graduate and maybe go seperate ways? The victim is often ashamed or thinks her abuser will get over it when she gets away. If she had told no one about her sutuation, it is very difficult to give her help. Some who might have seen it may not have understood or known what to do.
No time to blame anyone now..... now work towards making a voice aboout Domestic violence heard in all your homes, speak to your daughters and sons... even notice their relationships, and most importantly.. your own. This is often learned at home.
My deepest warm love goes out to these families.. trajedy has befallen them and their hearts may never be whole again.

I was almost murdered by my husband.. and lived to tell about it... counseling is the only way to get a healing of some sort.

By windstrucklady on   6/3/2010 11:12 AM